The Daughter Becoming the Mother
Embracing the Moon, Cancer, and my Maternal Nature
For an astrology course I am taking, I decided to focus on building a relationship with Mars, the “helmsman” of my chart- the ruler and navigator of my destiny in this life.
I thought it would help me to deepen my relationship with my inner Masculine. The fiery part of me that knows what she wants and has the focus and drive to attain it.
For several years, I’ve struggled with honoring and integrating different aspects of myself- what I could call the feminine and masculine.
I used to be very driven. Over the years, I’ve let go of much of my previous attachments to societal notions of achievement and success.
But, I worry sometimes that I’ve become too watery. Like a mermaid who is comfortable in the spiritual, emotional realms- but doesn’t have the strong legs needed to function in the rest of the world.
I didn’t know how to marry my (masculine/yang) ambition and desire for physical manifestation with my (feminine/yin) desire to surrender and float in the realms of possibility.
I saw the dreamy, ethereal part of me as the Moon (which is in the mystical sign of Pisces in the 12th house in my natal chart) and the fiery go-getter part of me as the Sun (Sagittarius in the 9th house of exploration and Aries rising).
But in the classical astrology I’m studying, the Moon represents the Mother and all things physical. She stands for manifestation and all of the resources necessary to live your destiny.
The Moon is what brings the divine mission- represented by the Sun- to Earth. She is the one who turns the dream into reality. The one who actualizes the vision into concrete form.
This was so different from the way I’d been conceiving of her. I’d been seeing the Moon as the undeveloped, ethereal Daughter who has trouble walking in this concrete world.
Viewing her instead as the Mother, the one who provides all the resources to make things happen in this world….blew my mind.
Mother and Daughter truly becoming one, like in the creation story, when the Moon falls to Earth. Held within the heart of Mother Earth, the Moon slowly lets go of her pain and shame and comes home to herself.
So, instead of focusing on Mars, I decided to continue to deepen my relationship with the Moon. She already holds the union of the masculine and feminine, the Child and the Mother, within her!
Recently, during a trip to Myrtle Beach with friends, more insights around boundaries came up.
There were 3 of us, and the place we rented had 3 rooms. The room in the middle was claimed by the friend who arrived first and had set up the booking.
Of the remaining 2 rooms, one was a master — with a king-sized bed and nice bathroom.
I was drawn to the master bedroom initially because of the images hanging on the wall- watercolor paintings of crabs. They reminded me of the first art project I completed as a freshman in college.
Then, I noticed it was the “nicer” room and immediately felt discomfort.
I’ve been accustomed to offering others what I feel is the best choice- the nicer room, the most appetizing slice of the pie. Usually, this comes from a combination of politeness and a true desire to offer to the others what I feel they desire and deserve.
But, other times, I’m simply not being honest about what I desire. I assume disharmony will arise if I “take” what another wants, so I’ve chosen to pretend like I don’t have a preference to maintain the peace.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t result in true harmony or peace. A sense of inferiority and victimhood begins to build within me, which turns into resentment of the ‘other.’
While I am the one making these choices!
In an attempt to start speaking up for myself and my desires, I awkwardly claimed the master bedroom as mine.
I immediately felt that my friend S wasn’t happy about this. When we talked, S shared that she was upset about the way I handled it (that I claimed the room without having a conversation with her).
I told her I didn’t know what else to do. When 2 people want the same thing, and 1 person doesn’t give in, how do you proceed?
In my mind the only two options were:
- Give up what I want so the other person is happy.
- Take what I want (and deal with the discomfort of the other being unhappy).
My friend suggested we flip a coin to determine who gets the room. This was so logical and easy! I hadn’t even seen this as an option because I was so unaccustomed to engaging with someone around mutual desires.
So we flipped a coin, and I “won” the master bedroom. But, after all was said and done, I still felt uncomfortable about it.
I wondered if I should have just taken the other room as per usual- because it really wasn’t a big deal. And I liked the other room, too! It didn’t feel worth all the discomfort.
Yet, I knew there was something bigger at play.
I wondered if the root of the pattern was cultural. The Asian thing of putting yourself lower as a show of respect to the other, versus the Western thing of standing up for yourself and being/having the best.
Later, I reflected on my mother. I wondered how she would’ve handled the situation.
My mother is generous to the point of being self-sacrificial, and yet she also commands respect. No one would assume she would take whatever inferior choice was available.
When I asked my mother what she would’ve done had she entered a hotel suite with a friend, in which one of the rooms was superior, she immediately replied, “Oh, I’d walk in and say (in a light, teasing manner) ‘Ooh… I’m gonna take the big room.’”
But, what about the other person? She wouldn’t feel guilty or apologetic?
My mom explained that she would take all the factors into consideration (like, if she had travelled with the friend before, and the friend had the lesser room last time… or if the friend was going through a hard time and needed a treat).
But, in general, she would claim what she wanted for herself, without apology, with a sense of ease and playfulness.
“If you can’t do this, then you don’t really feel comfortable with your friends,” she added.
Hmm….
Interestingly, I proposed the same question to my father, and he replied in the opposite way. His response was similar to my default pattern.
To his friend, he would say “Oh, you take the bigger room. It doesn’t make a difference to me.”
But inside, he would also want the bigger room. Just not bad enough where he wanted to take it away from the other person.
My parents’ responses showed me that this behavioral pattern was beyond culture.
I wished I hadn’t inherited my dad’s inability to receive what he desired- whether it was due to a lack of self-worth, courage, or fear of disharmony.
Why couldn’t he- and I- just receive confidently and easily- like an innocent child?
During the trip, one night in my master bedroom, I reviewed an astrology lesson. The homework for that lesson was to connect with the zoidia or sign from which the planet deity we are working with originates.
I was working with the Moon, and the Moon is seen to “come from” Cancer. I had never connected deeply with the Cancer archetype before and wasn’t sure how to work with it.
Then, I realized- I’m in a room that has brought up all these questions about self-worth and boundaries- that I was drawn to because of images of CRABS (the symbol of Cancer)!
To learn to be with another like those 2 crab paintings- different and unique, in their own frames, yet side by side. Complete and whole unto themselves, and also in harmony when together.
Today, as I was reflecting on the current conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune — in the sign of Pisces (actually conjunct my South Node and Moon), I looked to see if I had any other planets in water signs.
I knew I also had Venus in the water sign of Scorpio, but when I looked at my chart, I saw a symbol I’d never noticed before.
It represented the “part of fortune” (it’s not a planet but a point that’s calculated using your sun, moon and rising placements).
The part of fortune signifies prosperity, worldly success and the physical body.
My part of fortune is in Cancer! And according to a few websites, with this placement, I achieve happiness and success through nurturing growth.
Like the archetypal mother, I am happiest when fostering creation and new beginnings. And the feeling of belonging, and making others feel at home, is essential.
My fortune will be built on a secure emotional foundation created from who and what I love (my home is called the Kingdom of Prosperity!).
Reading this helped me to see that perhaps my default behavior- of offering others ‘the best’- isn’t so bad. It’s not necessarily coming from a lack of self-worth.
I truly enjoy nurturing others and want the best for my loved ones.
AND, if I’m going to create a secure emotional foundation in which to thrive, I need to include myself in the nurturing process and learn to feel safe communicating my needs and desires.
Interestingly, during the conversation I had with my parents, they added that people usually end up offering them the best positions, rooms, and gifts- without them having to ask.
My parents are often looked up to as leaders… perhaps because they are inherently generous?
This was a reminder that the community I choose to surround myself with matters as much as the way I’m showing up.
Am I showing up in my authority, in service? And am I seen and valued in my community, that my desires might be met without me having to always assert myself?
